Hetalia Rap Battles: England VS America
by invisiblehunt122098
Summary: England (Arthur Kirkland) and America (Alfred Jones) battle each other in a war of words. After fighting so many wars for the past centuries and after having endless arguments and disagreements, they throw each other down with wits and rhymes. Both sides are unwilling to subside, and both are full of wits and silver-tongue, but who can outmatch the other?


**HETALIA RAP BATTLES**

 **ENGLAND** (Arthur Kirkland) vs. **AMERICA** (Alfred Jones)

 **ENGLAND:**

Bloody hell, well if it isn't the bloody GIT with no manners!

A hyper, troublemaker kid who's too obsessed with his hamburgers

Well compared to France, you're not the worst person ever

You're just a brother with ADHD who's a pussy around Dora

You've got corny horror movies, and you call football "soccer"? Gimme a break!

I don't know which number is higher, chap: your debt to the world or your weight!

The Queen says to diet down your ego, you four-eyed asshat Cheeto Jesus

You'll go from the Hero to just a Zero; so in God, you shall trust!

 **AMERICA:**

Did you say something Iggy? Man, I couldn't hear your commentaries

I apologize dude, I guess you were just talking to your imaginary fairies!

You're always so cold; I'll warm you like the Great Fire of London!

Bitch I'm the seme to your uke, U.K. - call this part two of my revolution!

I'mma crack your balls like your bell, so you best Brexit this 'bout

Your anthem's God Save The Queen? Ha, more like God Shave Those Eyebrows!

They're SO thick, they probably weigh more than my debt and weight combined!

Dude, you're even worse than Iggy Azalea - at least she has more of a behind!

 **ENGLAND:**

Oh tosh! Your braggart God complexion makes me fill with regret

Where'd I go wrong in raising you? It's almost sad as Davie's death!

You've spoken so much drivel, no wonder your country's got a low I.Q.

I'd crush your bollocks, but I shouldn't hurt boys who still wet their beds like their loo!

You're like Fortnite; you were once good and free, now you are neither

Your education and healthcare are failures; even a yogurt has more culture!

I'm an empire; you're a superpower still with streets uncleaned;

I'll 9/11 your Nantucket and Florida, God Save _this_ Queen!

 **AMERICA:**

Dude that 9/11 line ain't cool, you're playing into everybody's fears

No wonder you're the wettest, bitterest country; the Queen has reigned on you for years!

Go ahead, say I suck; I say swallow your NHS and all your awful scones

Hell I'm so wealthy, I could dump all your GDP like your tea back in Boston!

Captain America carries on, minus the shield but I rock the bomber;

Your soccer teams suck, and what's sadder is that Churchill loved Pearl Harbor!

You're the land of crooked teeth; I'm the land of the free and of the brave

Too bad in Episode 12, France had given your "Little Ben" the AIDS!

 **ENGLAND:**

What a dreadfully rubbish sex joke chap, I didn't see that comin'!

Nice big nuclear missiles there lad - you compensating for something?

I'm a double-O pirate agent, bitch you always meddle in others' business

Call me Daddy, I'll again own your fatass like you're still one of my pet colonies!

 **AMERICA:**

Oh sod off grumpy mommy, I'm not the only country meddler;

You've got sooo many colonies, you can't even tell if they're your siblings or your lovers

No wonder Tony here doesn't like to be around a drunken inbred wanker

Who dresses like Robin in tights, showing his tiny legs and wiener!

 **ENGLAND:**

Very well, let's talk below the belt! I'll call my unicorn so we're equal

I'll ask him to shove his horn up your arsehole so hard, there won't be any sequel!

 **AMERICA:**

Oh you wanna Pokemon battle, Sherlock? You won't be Great, Britain!

Tony! (Yes boss!) Let's make this bitch swallow my 13-inch freedom!

* * *

 **HETALIANS! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT?**

 **YOU DECIDE!** _(Huehuehue)_

Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed! I might do more soon and even add some more details or background story. This rap battle had been on my mind for quite a while, and as a fan of Hetalia, I've always found the idea of America and England rapping against each other hilarious since they constantly annoy the HELL out of each other all the time, and they always make some snarky, sarcastic and insulting remark/comment towards each other. (Nevertheless, deep down they care for each other.) Anyways since I still got school, it'll take a while to update this and generate new ideas, but I have great fun writing this! Hope you all enjoyed!

BTW: The (Yes boss!) is Tony the alien's line, who is America's alien friend :)


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